Thursday, September 26, 2013

It's cloudy and heavy outside... and inside.

It is cloudy and dense outside, a thick and tense feeling in the air.  The external pressure is heavy.  Internally, my body and mind mimics the outside. I wonder, is it the weather dictacting my mood or is my mood dictating how I perceive the outside world? 

I don't particularly like being in a "funk," as I am sure anyone wouldn't.  I tried all my usual tactics to remove the fog from my mind and tension from my heavy heart. I had a most delicious Starbucks Soy Chai Tea Latte.  I listened to uplifting, heart-opening podcasts.  Checked emails.  Prepared for my morning meeting with a local businessman, taking the time and care to dress up (I spend most of my time in sweatpants on an average day unless I am seeing a client).

Nothing was really working.  The sky remained gray, humidity filling the cool air.  My body remained lethargic and felt like a ton of bricks I was dragging behind me.  My voice was quiet.  I moved around slowly while rushing at the very same time.  A paradox much like the warm humidity mixing with the cool temperature of the air.

It was not until after I had my morning meeting that I began to slowly realize that perhaps, in some small way, I was trying to run away from the inside...and the outside.  In my attempts to pull myself out of the "funk," I was looking for a bandaid rather than a cure.  It is in these moments we are given an opportunity to really feel ourselves out to see what is going on.  Take inventory of the feelings, thoughts and moods.  In everything lies a teacher, a lesson.  In every "funk" lies truth that is our own, yet universal.

The sun does not shine everyday.  And just the same, it is quite frivolous to think - or expect - that there will be sunshine inside ourselves everyday.  There must be days of rest (all too few in my world, which perhaps may be the precursor to my overall slump today) and reflection.  The yin and yang.

When we begin to pay attention to ourselves - our body, mind and spirit - we can peel away the layers we build on top of one another to reveal the truth beneath.  Maybe it's not about racing to feel better, but rather the process of accepting what is and letting it move through us.  We are not required to have great days everyday.  We are not made to smile every moment of every day.  We are, afterall, quite Human... and inevitably, we will have ups and downs and inbetweens.  Our bodies are not pieces of machinery... they need rest, energy, fuel, nourishment.  Sometimes we catch colds, or the flu.

Just another reminder that life is dynamic, and ever-changing.  While some things stay constant, others are evolving constantly. And we are no different.  And in that, I find peace and tranquility.  Most of all, acceptance and love.  Love for myself, love for life and what is.  Love for the gray, thick sky and the dense fog that is a superb representation of me in this moment.  Appreciation that I am here today, to share this and to experience this lull.

I feel lighter, amidst the heaviness.

TheoryB on

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