Loopti-loop

Taken from http://dictionary.reference.com

loop-the-loop

  [loop-thuh-loop] 

noun

1.

an airplane maneuver in which a plane, starting upward, makes one complete vertical loop.

2.

a ride in an amusement park that simulates this maneuver.

Origin: 
1900–05

I assume that the word loopti-loop originated from loop-the-loop, but as with many things in life I could be absolutely wrong.  Let's pretend for a moment that I am correct for the purposes of this blog... a loopti-loop is then a big 'ole circle.   And as we know, circles just keep going.  I don't know where they begin, but they never end.  Loopti-loop.... loopti-loop.... 

I was thinking about (painful) patterns this morning.  The kind we indulge in, over and over.  

At some point in time, we are smacked in the face with clear vision.  We see our patterns right in front of us, glaring at us, almost laughing at us really.  "Oh my God... how did I not see this before?"   It's a feeling of wonderment, shock, fear maybe.  It is as though a blindfold is quickly torn from your eyes like a bandaid.  It happens just that fast. 

Wow.  I can see now.  I can now STOP myself (stop the pattern) from doing another loopti-loop.  

Or not.  

So, what happens exactly?  I wondered, why do we continue to eat the poisoned apple when we know the outcome?  Why would we voluntarily hop on a ride we know makes us motion-sick and leaves us paralyzed by discomfort?

It dawned on me that so much is clear when we feel the sting of pain.  "I am so never having a child, again.  Who would volunteer for this PAIN?  If I knew what it would be like, I would never have done this!"  -- words often heard during the plague of morning sickness... or after child birth.  But what happens is we FORGET the pain that was so raw at that very moment.  It becomes blurred with lots of happy times, everyday dramas and ultimately disappears into the oblivion of "yesterdays." 

So, I realized that once we begin to heal from our pain, and forget how much it "hurt" us, we also become very optimistic and hopeful.  Those painful patterns - or loopti-loops - that we SWORE we would never participate in, again, soon creep back into our new routines.  After all, we are solid.  We are happy, we got this.  And when we are (healthy) strong... we can handle anything.  It doesn't feel quite so bad, anymore.  We must have been exaggerating! 

It isn't until we get a bit worn down, again, that we realize we have once again put ourselves in a position we vowed to never be in, again.

How do we (truly) stop ourselves from being the gluttons for (self) punishment (pain) that we are? I wish I had an answer for you... but I don't.

My guess is that if we truly weigh all of our options with an open heart and mind, asking if this something that serves us and our highest good (not something we can DEAL WITH or TOLERATE, but something that actually benefits us or makes our heart sing) - we can distinguish that which we want to keep around versus that which we can "handle" at the moment.  Asking, is this helping me?  Is this in alignment with my goals, my vision, my heart, how I feel?  Is this something I am doing for me - or doing out of fear, guilt, for someone else, etc.?  

Though we may be all-mighty and powerful today, that does not mean we have to ressurect the loopti-loops of the past that so often made us sick and kept us from being the best versions of ourselves.  There's no need to prove our ability to "deal with" these patterns.  Toss 'em.  Make some room for new ones... healthy ones.  

Let's hear it for the ride of our lives that begins today (and everyday... each moment, actually)... 

Here we go loopty loo

Here we go loopty li

Here we go loopty loo

All on a Saturday night

Here we go way down low

Here we go way up high

Here we go way down low

We really know how to fly

Here we go round and round

Here we go fast and slow

Here we go round and round

Oh what a great way to go

Here we go up and down

Here we sit side by side

Here we go up and down

Oh what a wonderful ride

Here we go loopty loo

Here we go loopty li

Here we go loopty loo

All on a Saturday night

All on a Saturday night

All on a Saturday night

I got caught...

I did.

I got caught.  Totally, red-handed.

It was as though I were a third party watching the entire thing happen.  And I caught myself; the offense was clear as day.

"For a smart girl, you sure do stupid things, Camille."

It was that simple.  That short.  That quick.

But that ten-word sentence was super charged and packed with a punch.  It carried with it years of history and story-tales.  Layers of emotion, pain, memories and self-limiting beliefs.

It may seem innocent to the majority, but those ten words - altogether - are the root of so many internal struggles.  And after I caught myself, I stopped dead in my tracks.

Why did I call my actions stupid?  The things I do are no different than everyone else... millions of people.  Billions probably.  And what makes them stupid after all?  That is, most definitely and completely, subjective.  Why - in that moment - did I feel the need to judge myself?  It was as though I was speaking to another person.  As though I were two people, not one.  The judgmental, tightly wound Camille shaking her head in disapproval... telling the other Camille a thing or two about "life" and choices and what's smart and what is not.  Controlling the second girl that made a choice that perhaps was not - in hindsight - the best for her. Though, is it not true that we need to make certain choices to learn certain lessons?  Who is to say what is best for anyone, anyway?

That first Camille sounds an awful lot like someone I know very well.  Bless his heart, I love my father dearly.  But his tongue has been known to cut like the sharpest knife and be as venomous as a snake's bite.  And I was not spared from its wrath throughout my adolescence.

And so, here I am... in my thirties.  A parent, myself.  Ravenous for soul-food, always reading and expanding and questioning and nourishing and reaching to become the highest version of Camille I can be.  And out of the clear blue, left field comes that darn sneaky ego.  The embodiment of self limitations and fear and judgment.  The part of ourselves that wants to be right, wants to protect us and keep us safe (and stagnant) and the mind that stores our story-tales and regurgitates them at just the "appropriate" time.

It was a very raw and startling reminder of how powerful our minds can be, our stories and our beliefs. How they are tucked away and even when you think you've rid yourself of them - in your false sense of security, they pop up to play with you (not such a fun game).

More importantly, it was also a much-needed reminder that so much of life is subjective.  And being gentle with ourselves is so vital to optimal health and overall wellbeing.  We get judged at every corner... from the time we are children and into adulthood and beyond.  So, who needs a split personality version of themselves telling them all the things they do wrong? I am sure there are plenty of people or things out there willing to do that for us.  Everything is about learning and growing.  Everything is happening in perfect timing.  We may not always (or ever) understand the "why" of our situations, but trust - and faith - in ourselves, in life and in our journey can help to put us at ease, at peace, so we can carry on with our days and live perfectly presently in the moment.

So.... I would like to say a quick thing to Camille the first.  I am not stupid.  I am doing the best I can, in this very moment, with what I am given and with the knowledge I have.  And that is all I can do.

And to all of you reading this... you are beautiful and perfect just as you are.  If you want to believe in something... believe in that.  Because it is the real honest truth.

As Hans Christian King said, "Faith & Belief: Trust that the Universe will be there for you." 

Manifest Everything Now

Wow.

So, I signed up by email to receive free audios from different speakers and people, with host Kristen Howe.   So far, I have listened to a few of the audios and the speakers were phenomenal... really touching, deep and relateable topics and discussions.  Terri Amos-Britt, Dr. Matthew B. James, Asara Lovejoy and today's audio, Danielle MacKinnon (AMAZING audio and woman).

Danielle MacKinnon actually began as an animal communicator and touches on our soul contracts with our animals.  For all of you animal lovers out there, you may want to check her out and poke around her website!  We always knew that animals were in our lives for a reason... but maybe not to the extent they actually are showing us things we need to learn.

I feel very grateful I was lead to sign up for these audios as it has been transformative already - and it's only been a couple of days.  The speakers' stories are incredible, their energies are contagious and warm and welcoming and their messages are clear, concise and so valuable to our enrichment as souls on our very own journeys.

If you're looking for some motivation or daily soul nourishment, check them out.  Or do your own exploring and see where your all-knowing spirit takes you.

Lots of love and light to all of you.  Happy Tuesday... may you soar to new heights today.

Website updates

I've made some updates to the website. It's still not done, but it's getting there slowly. I feel it's a true representation of who I am and what I'm about. Check it out. I welcome feedback. Xo

www.LiveFullToday.com

"To the Wonder" Movie Op

"To the Wonder" 2012

The description of the movie states: After falling in love in Paris, Marina and Neil come to Oklahoma, where problems arise. Their church's Spanish-born pastor struggles with his faith, while Neil encounters a woman from his childhood.

I will admit, I had a very difficult time following what was going on as the movie is partially silent, narrated by the voices of the characters in it, speaking briefly and deeply. Despite my confusion of what was happening, there was something very real and very raw about the emotions portrayed in this movie.

The movie itself bared resemblance to "The New World" (2005) by way of the character narration.  The soft spoken words that rose up from the depths of their being.  I happened to love "The New World," so I took a liking to this movie, also.  And for the same reasons.

One of the main characters in "To the Wonder" was a French woman. She had a daughter. The two of them (but mostly the woman) were so playful. She walked barefoot in the grass. She danced around wherever she was going.  She was passionate in expressing her love and joy and equally as much so in her anger. There was something so natural about her, childlike. 

Though the tone of the movie was one of despair and broken love, it inspired me.  She inspired me.  I think of myself as someone who is always working towards being the best version of myself.  To be open, loving and grateful always.  Yet, watching this movie made me realize just how little I play.  In my quest to live fully, I forgot to sprinkle in the part where I actually play and live.

To the same degree, the natural and innocent ways of the main character in "The New World," Pocahontas, inspired me to live more naturally... to be in harmony with myself, and nature and the world - to realize we are all one.  The movie was peaceful, slow.  It made me understand just how far we have come as a culture, how fast-paced our lives are, how much we miss along the way.  

Both movies made me stop dead in my tracks and reflect upon my own life... and our lives as a collective whole. My passion and commitment to living fully, connecting back to nature and our own naturalness, and expressing authenticity in every form it comes (including being playful) was reignited.

If you have some time, and want to connect to the deeper parts of a character's spirit, I suggest these two movies.  Happy viewing. :) 

Be a Cloud

I was given an exercise to do.  Stare up into the sky, find a cloud naturally (don't look for one, yet just let one find you) and watch it for 5 minutes.  I had some resistance at first, the sun burning my eyes and making it difficult to watch any clouds.  I turned the other way and that's when I found it.

There was one cloud, and it looked like a tree! A full tree, with a trunk.  I was immediately transported to a mental vision of sitting under a tree on a beautiful day, in the shade, enjoying the calm quiet and peace.  It was not even a moment later that the tree figure began to dissipate and the cloud broke off into two parts.  The left side merged into another cloud, and the right side broke off on its own.  By the time I noticed that 4 minutes had passed, the two remaining clouds had joined together to create one huge, puffy cloud in the bright blue sky.  The most incredible part of this whole experience is that I did not even see it happen, yet I was watching intently.

The clouds ever so gracefully moved at a peaceful pace... slow yet rapid all at the same time.  They were beautiful; huge white puffs - unblemished and perfect - that looked so amazing I felt I could pick them like cotton candy. Or snuggle in them.

I took a lot with me, from that very simple and quick exercise. It was rather meditative.

I learned that the clouds moved with peace and serenity.  They broke apart on their own, they merged into other clouds.  They were completely individual yet interconnected in every way.  They were constantly evolving into new shapes, sizes and were moving in and out of groups of other clouds.  It happened so gracefully, I couldn't even distinguish the exact moment it happened that two clouds became one, or vice versa.

I highly recommend this exercise. Take a moment from your day to stop and be still. Sit in your car a few extra minutes. Sit outside. Look out the window. Watch one cloud that grabs your attention. Listen to the voice inside you. Play. What does the cloud look like to you? How do you feel remaining quiet and observing?

Then... Be a cloud! Move with serenity in and out of the day. Floating in one door and out another. Let the sun shine through your beautiful soul as you dance alone or with a partner or a group. As you switch hats, as the cloud changes form. And rest - as the clouds vanish into the black night sky. 

A memorial to the dearest Bo, lost today

I wrote this on the Hounds Town Charities Facebook page, but would like to share it here.

It is with the heaviest heart I write this to you all today.  I hope that my words can be a true reflection of the tears I shed, and the greatest love in my heart… and that the message is received, as it was intended, to guide you to stop for a moment, reflect and feel gratitude.

This morning, we lost our beautiful, vibrant and elegant Bo to an unknown illness that crept upon him literally overnight.  After hours in the emergency room, still no conclusions or diagnosis, and no physical, positive response to what was being done for him, Bo has passed on.

Though there is conflict in my body writing this due to sadness, I do not want Bo's life to slip away without it touching someone - even one person - out there.  I feel much shame, as I found out about Bo after making a phone call to another board member, upset that people were anxiously awaiting for a reply from me… ironically, about Bo's adoption.  I felt incredible pressure, with limited time, to respond to everyone and was feeling overwhelmed by the response and lack of time I have had to get back to everyone and find Bo his forever, loving home. 

I was in my "human" mind, venting my stresses and frustrations… about something so small in the big picture of life.  Meanwhile, unbeknownst to me at the time, Bo was on his way to leaving us all.  And that is the message here for you.  Weigh your words and upset with the big picture.  Time is one precious gift we cannot ever get back.  Show compassion to others, as we never know what is going on in their lives… behind closed doors… and when they may leave us, also. 

Tomorrow is never a promise, live full today. Live with love. Share love, show love… live in the moment, celebrate joy, family and friends.  Practice gratitude for all that you have, including life today, and all the people around you. Bo was an amazing animal.  His beauty (internal and external) and zest for life are shining examples of a precious existence.  He may not have lived long, but he lived fully.

It gives me some peace to know that we were able to pet Bo goodbye… so he knew he was not alone, and that he was loved. 

And with that, I conclude: We love you, Bo and will miss you greatly.  May your life live on in the hearts of all those that knew you… and in those reading this.  There will be no greater memorial for Bo than for you all to take this with you today, and to move through your day with gentleness, kindness and compassion.  And most of all, unconditional love for all those you encounter.