Sunday, July 19, 2015

Shame, Shame...

If you and I were to measure my life by societal or cultural standards or the "P.C." way to be, sure, I would have to agree that my life is fucked up.  It's not conventional or anywhere close to it.  And it doesn't look very good on paper.  It's really messy.  If a piece of art were to represent what it looks like, it would be like a toddler took a couple of crayons and markers and scribbled all over the place, missing the paper and having no perceived rhyme or reason (I happen to find this analogy quite appropriate and symbolic).

The appearance of my life is an easy one to use when others want to project their issues out into the external world and "feel better" about themselves by comparison. 

Some close to me like to remind me frequently of this, trying to make me feel bad or embarrassed for my choices or the way my life looks to others right now. It's as if they think that drilling it into my head, and making me feel guilt or shame, will change what is - or maybe they hope it'll guide me to make "better" or "right" choices in the future.  

First of all, "right" and "wrong" is subjective. And there are really no such thing as mistakes. There are actions, reactions and consequences.  There is what is, and that's all there really is to it. Our lives are comprised of cause and effect, milestones and stepping stones... all leading us to where we are in this moment right Now. 

I will never understand trying to make someone feel bad for how their life looks externally to the general public, or whomever.  I cannot relate to that inner need (of the ego) or desire to tell someone else what they're doing "wrong" in my opinion or limited perception, or society's, or whatever.  

What should I do to make people feel more comfortable? Hide myself away? Pretend to be someone I am not? Lie? Suppress and repress? 

As the last couple of years unfolded, I found myself wanting to do all of those things. And I think other people expected the same of me.  I felt judged, afraid of what others would say, and I began to use negative language about myself and my life situation(s).  Sadness, anger and depression came and went, on and off as I struggled to find resolution.  What I learned was that my perception dictated everything.  And if people really loved me, and were happy within themselves, they would have no need to judge me or point fingers or anything negative.  

So, while my life may be messy as hell, it's still my experience here.  Doesn't that make it perfect by default? 

I found that through all of my challenges, I have found a greater sense of peace, unconditional love and acceptance. I have fewer and fewer negative thoughts and experiences, and I am beyond grateful for all of what makes up my life and who "I" am.  I am able to share more of myself now than ever before. When my life "looked good," I wasn't happy. I had nothing to give others.  I judged, I yearned for more. I was an empty shell, seeking truth and freedom. After now living through things I didn't think I could emotionally survive, I am really happy to say that there is light at the end of the tunnel. There is more to life, more joy, more love. At our very fingertips.  Waiting for us to be ready and open to receive and see it.  Without my hard times, I would never have opened my eyes to the truth, the beauty of all that is, the depth of feeling and emotion available to us.  

When we judge others, we are really judging ourselves.  We aren't speaking the truth, we are speaking from our very limited perceptions and narrow scope of view.  I always reference Wayne Dyer, because this really resonates with me: "You can only give away what you have inside."  Those of us that are at peace with our own lives and experiences, that carry around with us unconditional love for others and ourselves, well... we don't have time to judge others and what their lives look like.  We don't have the desire to make people feel bad. In fact, there are enough critics and cynics in the world.  We want to make people feel good.  We want to share love and enthusiasm and hope.

Everyone is doing the very best they can each and every day with the skills and knowledge they have.  We are all here with the same goals in mind: love and happiness and fulfillment.  We are bound by a universal love and energy that fluidly moves through all things. 

Today, I am beyond grateful and so proud to display my unique work of art for all the world to see. Exposure is freedom.  

I have dedicated myself to living by example, and always being available for someone in need.  I am committed to being a safe place for others, where there is no judgment. Do I seek anything in return? Not at all. Giving is the reward. Knowing maybe that one less person is suffering, or that they can avoid the pain of rejection or judgment, well...that's plenty return. 

No matter what your life looks like, it's your experience and yours alone. All that is important is that you feel good, and that you are able to share that goodness with others. Everyone's got an opinion. Remember, we are all limited by our egos and perceptions and are doing the best we know how. Someone else's view of you is their business, not yours. Finding acceptance in what is is the key to joy and inner peace.  Keep your head high, stay strong, move through challenges as best you can and I promise you, what lies on the other side is both beautiful and miraculous.   

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