Wednesday, August 6, 2014

"Never say 'never!'"

So, many years ago when I "knew everything," I was a big fan of the word "never."  I used it quite often. Along with should, could and would. All poisonous words in my current opinion (though I now realize I know nothing instead of everything). 

For a know-it-all, I sure didn't know much at all.  Gosh, I had a list of things I would "never" do or become. And I had a picture in my mind of what I would do and become. It was all crystal clear during my days of judgment and neat tidy boxes (side note: my phone auto corrected tidy to say tofu - ha. Touché iPhone. Touché.)

Well, here I am laughing today (sort of). I have literally become all of the things I said I never would. I have done things I said I would never do.  Today, I am the poster child for "NEVER SAY 'NEVER.'" 

I epitomize the philosophy that we never (oh God, I used it again) know what's going to happen day by day- never mind years from now. 

What's most ironic and somewhat humorous is that I am happier today than I was then. I have more peace now - though I have become all the frowned-upon things I said I never would, then some - than I did when my life was "on track" (for normalcy).

I may be a walking mess according to old-me, but this walking mess has learned so much and gained so much appreciation and love and awareness and knowledge that I wouldn't trade it for what "could've" been.  Yes, on some "bad" or difficult days I wish I could be young and ignorant, again, and normal.  But I'm not. And that's all there is to it. 

What is judgment anyway aside from an unhappy person's way of projecting their own issues outward to avoid looking inward?  

Goodbye, old-self. I am sorry to disappoint you but I am not sorry to see you go. Though I carry some battlescars today, and life situations that would have mortified you, I have outgrown the need for your approval. 

Now, I will never say "never," again! :)

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